Looking at my old self, I realized, I used to be so cocky
and proud. One wrong move against me, you’ll definitely hear awful and foul
word. I used to believe in “get even”. But I don’t step on other people just so
I can get what I want. My parents used to tell me this, “Never play a traitor, complete happiness is when no one is crying while
you are celebrating, if you are happy, the world should be happy with you too.”
So I play fair and square, but I never allow anyone to step on me. No way! I
will fight back. I used to be like that. Patience? I don’t know that, or it doesn’t
apply to me. You ask for it, you’ll get it. People around me used to say that the
reason why I’m like that is because I am the youngest among ten siblings, I’m spoiled
and a baby in our family. Well, they are wrong. I have a loving, soft-hearted
but unaffable Nanay, and a very supportive but disciplinarian Tatay.
So the
word “spoiled” doesn’t exist in our house. Although growing up, we have a helper;
still each one of us has responsibility. Tatay used to say that a “helper”
means they would help us do things, not them doing all of the household chores
by themselves. So we grew up knowing that we all have responsibility and
obligations in our family. So no, it’s not because I’m the youngest. The reason
is because I don’t want the idea of faking myself. If I am mad, I should let
them know, if I miss someone, then I would say it, and If I love you, I will
let you feel and know it. No means no, yes means yes. My choice is black and
white, there is no grey. I hate guessing game of emotion. I prefer it crystal
clear. I used to be a “not so friendly” person. If I have two or three friends,
I’m ok with that, because I find it hard to maintain friend’s relationship. Quality
not quantity is what matters to me. I used to be so selfish too. I hate the
word sharing. If you want some, go look for it, don’t get mine. I was like
that. But as the years pass; I realized I am growing older, everyday. And I shouldn’t
be cranky, snob or whatever negative attitude you may want to call it anymore.
I need to grow, emotionally. I remember my previous boss told me that I should
always control my emotion. “Don’t let the negativity of people around ruin you. They
can say anything they want to say, but if you know who you really, whatever they
say won’t matter at all. Do not complicate your life.” So, gradually, I changed myself. If before I
always react according to how I feel at the moment, I begun to think first, ask
then react. I tried to not react or say anything when I’m still mad, because I
know it will make the situation worst. I don’t promise when I’m in my happiest
and I don’t open my mouth when I'm angry because I know only bad words will come
out. When I decided to transfer from Manila to Boracay Island, I started to change
my attitude as a whole. I decided to be friendly and be more open to other
people. I became patient. I am no longer the “im happy with myself” person, although
during my rest day I still don’t share it with anyone but spend the day all by
myself, but still, I became a friendly homo sapien. One thing that I realized
though when you show people that you are patient, they would tend to abused you
and takes you for granted. So I decided to play it fair. I set a limitation. I
now practice the 1-2-3 steps. First offense, hey! That’s not good, na-ah then
smile. Second offense – hey hey! I don’t like what you did, don’t do it again –
smile a bit. Third and final offense – HEY! Cranky face – Are you trying to piss
me off? Blah blah blah – (DON’T SMILE!)
– And it works. Now, no one tries to reach the 2-3 part anymore. Less
complication. There is only one thing that I will never change about myself
though. I will not sacrifice and
compromise my self-respect. I won’t let anyone say words to me like as if
they are feeding me. Although I am practicing diplomacy now, I will still fight
back if I know you are going beyond my limitation. No way. And if you have problem with it, that
is no longer my concern. Tata!
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